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Serenity

On a dark and dreary night
A worker had gone unnoticed
Drizzles of rain drew beads onto the spring lawn around her
As beams of headlights peered upon the highway nearby

Reflections on the highway telling of upcoming vehicles
Whistles as it zooms by and every now and then
A voice can be heard
A cigarette will be lit and this Saturday night remains dim

In between breaks of carbonous exhales
A cloud of smoke drawn circles linger overhead
A calmness engulfed upon this persons thoughts
Visions of memories replayed fresh like it had only happened yesterday

In a rush, moments of hurried winds shuffled, tormenting the trees around her
A cold chill ravaged her skin as she dreaded the call of Autumn
Thoughts became boggled as this too, will soon be a memory
With a rush and a wink, some other worker will be in this very moment

What wonders and kindness might that person feel, are we all the same?
Will that person feel the emotions and the bitterness of these chilly nights?
Will the sprinkles from above lay calmly upon their mind?
Or will it zoom by so quickly like no wonder at all?

Its all an assumption. Taking for granted tomorrow. Merely a second thought.

Dreamer

I had a wonderful visit the other day...
all in a dream

I dreamt up reality...
of what a visit would be

Although it was in my mind...
I know it was real

To dream up this dream within a dream...
Awaking with a grip and a hug I'll always feel

Thanks for blessing me with an open-mind and for filling my heart with love...
All in appreciation, knowledge, and respect for God above

Lonely Words

Rest Peacefully PaPa Bennie
June 23, 1924-June 9, 2009

Its always nice to step outside
Relax, take a breath, and clear your mind
Yesterday, I took a moment to step aside
I relaxed, took a breath, and did eventually clear my mind

First, I stared across the road passed the newly blossomed lilac trees
Grandma wouldve loved to see them this time of year
They looked like many soldiers guarding her home during a perfect little breeze
My eyes were reminders of how many things we now lack, mainly out of fear

Her home was once a sanctuary, where we all loved to be
Now its just a memory of where Grandma and Uncle used to live
I miss them both so much but they live inside of me
My heart was once angry they had to leave but now allows me to forgive

As my heart began to heal from the hurt of our recent losses
Papa Bennie was called home only 3 short months later
As hard as it is to be strong--in my mind--nothing can top this
The couldves and shouldves layed deep on my heart like a crater

Its hard to act differently than what you actually feel
Ive met that fork in the road you see
I walked and I stepped right on it reminding me thats its all real
Sometimes it hurts and reeks havoc upon me

Then, like a collage of unspoken words and pictures of many reels
The sun peaked out for a second to show me light
Reminding me theyre safe with God and to feel how good their energy feels
This was truly a blessed heavenly sight

I walked a little further, sat and allowed the day to come to an end
I cannot stop time or prevent events, but I can ask for a moment to seize
To hold those moments and find peace and harmony allowing God in as a friend
I always have and I always will-keep my heart full and at ease

Black Elk Speaks

You have noticed that everything an Indian does is in a circle, and that is because the Power of the World always works in circles, and everything and everything tries to be round.
In the old days all our power came to us from the sacred hoop of the nation and so long as the hoop was unbroken the people flourished.
The flowering tree was the living center of the hoop, and the circle of the four quarters nourished it.
The east gave peace and light, the south gave warmth, the west gave rain and the northwith its cold and mighty wind gave strength and endurance. This knowledge came to us from the outer world with our religion.
Everything the power of the world does is done in a circle.
The sky is round and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball and so are all the stars.
The wind, in its greatest power, whirls.
Birds make their nests in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours.
The sun comes forth and goes down again in a circle.
The moon does the same and both are round. Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing and always come back again to where they were.
The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves.
Our teepees were round like the nests of birds, and these were always set in a circle, the nation's hoop, a nest of many nests, where the Great Spirit meant for us to hatch our children.

Black Elk, Holy Man of the Oglala Sioux 1863-1950



Over a hundred years ago Black Elk had a vision of the time when Indian people would heal from the devastating effectsof European migration. In his vision the Sacred Hoop which had been broken, would be mended in seven generations.The children born into this decade will be the seventh generation.

My Grams

Everyone thought it was just old age how easily she forgot

Little things became a heavy burden of a task
Grandma just couldnt remember the things that she once taught
Frustration became the response to questions many people would ask

At ten o'clock on Sundays, as church would begin
Grandma only wanted to be able to attend
When rides became far and few, to her it was a sin
Not only was her church her savior, but everyone was a friend

It became harder on me you see
Running from the stress and unusual behavior of this disease
The hurt I felt when Grandma could no longer recognize me
The most easiest going woman became the hardest to please

Every now and then I think of how she mustve felt
I wonder what she thought and if she were all alone
In a world she no longer knew; in a church she no longer knelt
From the back of a pew, in the back of her mind, was there still a harp like tone

Six months before my Grandma's passing
I never imagined to have to handle such a sight but now he's set free
Uncle was called to Heaven little did we know this wasnt the last thing
To endure so much and lose the man that meant so much to me

Ive learned that life is far shorter than I once thought
These days are taken for granted, in a place so full of panic
Refuge is supposed to be what I've heard only refugees have sought
There is this personal war so widespread, leading many helplessly manic

Sometimes...

Sometimes...knowing is never enough
Wonder surrounds and may consume us
Trying our best to get over the tough
Believing in yourself and God is an everyday plus

Without my beliefs there is just no way
No way for me to have gotten this far
Through love and prayer I try to live by each day
And every night I see those I miss sparkling through each star

Its like a hello from a far away place
Distant reminders of a goal to be reached for
When I look above its dreams I chase
Before I sleep my mind prepares for "just one more"

Sometimes...we just have to...
Do the best with what we've got...
When we fail--"we just do"...
Thats life--we do our best with what we've been taught

The Love of Two Brothers

(this is a poem i wrote for a friend of mine whose brother had just been involved in a near-fatal car accident. his family felt trapped at the hospital they were forced to know for many long months after the accident. the brother survived, but does have some issues.).............

The love two brothers hold is unbearable and true
You are there for each other and its shown upon you
Each tear shed from your questionable eyes
Shows me more than painful cries
The cries for help you continually shout
For the love of a brother you can't live without
The fears you are going through is one I can't describe
But I am hear for you always its shown by my vibe
There will never be a day that you both wont appreciate
Having each other around...its more than just fate
You both see the miracles growing from inside a tiny room
A room that seems oh so little but filled with God's doom
I wish I can tell you how much I care
I will do my best I could to always be there

2003.

One of Those Nights

It's hard to hold back what I already know
To shelter these feelings that constantly grow
I miss you more than anyone can imagine
I think of those years and what could have been

This loneliness taunts me when I look back at certain places
My heart it holds strong to your memory which it embraces
I picture you now with that smile and heart of gold
If I can hold you now I would do it without having to be told

"Come here my little niece give your Uncle a hug" you would say...
I'd smile as I would happily...happily go your way
It was as if I were the only one to be centered on this earth
You made me feel so special-you've done so since my birth

Your absence leaves me silent and my mind yet filled with love
The silence isn't always bad when I think of God above
I know you're with us now and then
You let it be known and I thank you as much as I can

I may be the one who gets lonely
But I'm not alone you see
I'm carrying on your memory
Like you would want it to be

Jibber Jabber

Distance can be gained not only physically but through ones mind. How vast are the areas of which it opens new realms. Newer levels to explore and greater feats to overcome. Entangled through the vines of many twists, turns, and picks. Choices to take and bravery to entertain our lifes many misunderstandable obstacles. Motionless as it turns in only the directions you allow. The spineless characters of mistrust and misfortunes leaves a jello interior to a hard knocked exterior. For some instance when the twisting endlessly whales what must one do?

The Colors of Her Heart

She laughed as she sang an unfortunate song
Only few people knew she'd been singing it all along
Like grains of sand it stayed etched in her heart
The people who cared once tried to tear it all apart

Anxiously, she would wake each day only to find
The days just got longer and heavily weighed on her mind
One morning she awoke to find her sun was not yet there
She searched endlessly, hoping she would find her light somewhere

The moon's nighttime smile beemed on her for a short while
Like a script it were written on a page of life she had no choice but to file
The nights became longer as well as the days
She could only discover her heart pounded so many different ways

Where would the light be and how can it be found
She found it today as she lifted her head and slowly looked around
Through her friends she found that glimmer of light that she had hoped for
Through her family she gained insight to all of that and so much more

The time she wasted looking everywhere but near
Its shallow of her to have sank too low, torchered by one single tear
Thankfully she never gave up...she fought till the end
Only to find there was a circle of which allowed her heart to mend

Never ending was this circle...this circle never could stop
Now she climbs mountains and only rests at the top
Through her past she layed the memories down
So noone else would find them...so noone else would frown

Carefully as she aged she watched over that very spot
She was the keeper of the grounds that once kept her distraught

She paid no mind to those that curiously walked the land
While journeying, she cared for everyone right from the start
She found her light by following footsteps in the sand
The sand is what gave color to her once faded heart

The Global Effects on North Dakota

This has been on my mind for a while now...just as it has been to many others as well. My birthday is the 15th of October. I remember when there was enough snow at that time, to dig snow tunnels on the side of the house! We were able to line up our snowmen and they were also able to last for a very long time!
Look outside!! It's bare!! Where's all the snow and how can we get it back?! I couldn't tell you, because I haven't got the slightest clue. I mean, this is NORTH DAKOTA!!! This place is notorious for winter activities!! What the heck are we gonna do now?! Can't go ice fishing yet, because the lakes aren't frozen...Maybe we can invent some kind of "heli-fishing" you know, get in a chopper and fly above the middle of a lake (or whats left of one)...and maybe throw a few spears?! Call me Zeus if ya want, it may sound nuts, but this whole world has gone nuts so I have earned my right. Ha! Ha!
Seriously though, it is scary. We're pretty close to DECEMBER!!! What is Christmas gonna be like?! Well, I'm glad Santa gears up because he's gonna need it when he takes a plunge after seeing our world gone array. HAHA. Well, thats my jibber-jabbering for now. Time to get ready & go.

My Beautiful Daughter Keisha & Puppy Pinky

N-A-T-I-V-E

You dont need to point out my weaknesses I am fully aware

This ethnicity is more than a coat that I am proud to bare.

Its not because of where I come from don't you see

Whats all the commotion or statistic that you've shown to me?

A negative part of history I wish I could replace

The part where it says a native is likely not to succeed.

For me to check "yes" into that "voluntary" space

It shouldnt matter...our color is the same in which we bleed.

My Life.

My life is fairly simple. I strive to keep my family and friends happy. My daughter comes before anyone. I was lucky enough to grow up and into a very wonderful family. They have taught and continue to teach me so many things.

When I was younger, my parents did their best with what they had. To me, no dollar amount mattered, what mattered was my brother and I were happy. We always got what we needed and wanted, and we never had to worry about anything. Growing up in my household has taught me so much.

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  It has given me humor...I still laugh at some crazy situations I remember. My family is very musically talented, and those moments of getting together are irreplaceable.


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  It has given me hope...if you work hard enough, you will get what you work for. My parents are true monuments in my eyes!


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  It has shown me true love...nobody can teach love, but they can show it and from that I have a natural love for people in my life. Everyone holds a place in my heart. The key to it is maintaining lasting friendships.


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  It has given me an open-mind...not all things are ridiculous.


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  It has given me compassion...I have an innate love for all things living, and if it's something I am scared of (bugs) than well..I love when they're away from me!! Ha!!


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  It has installed into me a gift to socialize...I am not a shallow person and I don't laugh at another person's ideas or opinions. I secretly compare their thoughts with my own and go from there.


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  It has also shown me how to deal with grief. The falling apart of so many in my family, was tested recently, but we continue to keep ourselves together. We reunited in song, prayer, and rosary, as we celebrated the life of my Godfather, which was also my mom's twin. He died tragically in front of me at a burn center in St.Paul, but my family stuck together and celebrated his life, just the way he'd like us to.

I realize that with every encounter we all have in our lives, whether its dealing with that rude lady behind you that can't stand the fact that she has to wait a minute longer, or whether it's that kind, thankful person you just helped by holding the door open for her..either way it gives us balance in life..a lesson to be learned.

I am now 25 yrs old and I really don't know when the years decided to fly right on by, I just know they did. Ha! Ha! I recently made my move to GF and am enjoying my time here. I basically came here at the spur of the moment. I had been working for almost 3 yrs at a local nursing home.

I absolutely LOVE the people I have worked with/for as a CNA. I have witnessed death closer than most other people I know..but it taught me to go home and hug my family and tell them I love them. I have been able to be the walking legs for those who could no longer do so on their own. I was blessed to be the person to wipe away their tears even when I couldn't do so for myself. I have taught many of the residents I cared for, how to laugh again. This one lady in particular was suffering from alzheimers disease. Although she couldn't always remember my face, she knew that song we would sing every morning as I would wake her for breakfast as we'd burst out in tunes. It went like this, "Good Morning Beautiful...how was your night? Mine was WONDERFUL with you by my side.." And it was literally true because I worked full-time Night Shifts! haha..The smile on her face is still etched in my mind. That lady in particular was also extra special to me for a few reasons that I can't begin to tell about, because I'd totally be leaving this blog's subject if I started!!

I have met new people in this town and have seen new things that interest me. There's a great array of diversity in this town. Diversity is good and this place surely has it's melting pot. Where I come from its mostly Native's, mainly because its a reservation *there are no teepee's, they really do have homes* (you'd be surprised how many ppl think differently).

I have a strong sense of who I want to be, and my spirituality will continue to help me through all the doors that are yet unopened in my life.

As for now, its after 3am and this girl's night of babysitting and relaxing has taken it's toll. A blog for later sounds good to me. The jumping around I have done already in this blog is validation enough for me to say Good Night.. ;-)

All is well that ends well.

Veteran's Day 2008

Back when I was younger, I never understood the importance of Veterans Day. I was just glad to get the day off from school! A Holiday is all I knew, but it means so much more to me now.

My Papa Bennie, served in WWII, recieving 2 purple hearts. He is the statue of our Sims family. My dad also served... 22 years and is US Army Retired. He was shot twice in the Vietnam war, still bearing the scars. Most of his friends are now gone, but he never stops talking about them all.My mom met my dad while she was in the Army, stationed in Germany, where they were married & John was born. My dad was a First Sargeant and mom was a radio control operator.
My brothers, Tony Jr(Chip)(US Army), and John(US Marines, later in the Army Reserve), both served, Chip is still active duty and has served twice in Iraq and also in the Gulf War.
Also, many more of my uncles have served, including my mom's twin brother, Carl Dean. He's not with us this year to celebrate this day, but he's watching over the family every step we take. He was buried on Sept. 11, 2008, the day before their birthday. Although it was a day before their birthday, it was also a day that brought America closer together just a few years ago. So in a way, it was suitable.

On Nov. 4th, 2008, my dad's election day, something happened that made me SO proud of my dad. There was this material that was thrown on a chair that was seated in the County Courthouse. A guy (there to support his friend, running against my dad), picked this material up so he could sit down. Noone knew it was the American Flag. The guy says something like, "What?! They don't know how to fold a flag?!" Dad quickly looked and said, "Who's in charge of the taking down of this flag every evening?!" Some other guy replied that he didn't know, but apologized to dad because he knew how dad felt about it. It was not this guys fault at all, he had nothing to do with it, but he knew the disrespect it showed.Meanwhile, that guy who discovered it was the flag, tried to fold it, but couldn't do it on his own, so dad came up and took over, with that guys help. It was like a light lit up in that guys face, as he stared at my dad with astonishment. The guy who was trying to fold the flag, wore this coat that had all kinds of patches showing he was possibly a veteran himself. It made me proud to see my dad's respect and to be respected back without a word needing to be said at all. I realized this was an occasion I'll possibly never witness again, its not every day dad folds a US Flag.

Another story happened on Sept. 11, 2008 when our family layed my Uncle to rest. The Army was so orderly with their proceedings. After they handed Derick(who also served) his dad's flag...he turned around quickly to my mom and handed it to her. It literally took my breath away! I covered my mouth in awe, and my heart sank into the very ground we were standing on. The highest respect was shown for the love my mother has for her twin brother, that died so tragically. She stood there with her US Army leather jacket on, next to his gravesite, holding her brothers flag. This was a moment above all. It amazed me! How lovely the moment was, to have shared it with the 5 Eagles that circled above us...and the many more that led Uncle Dean home.
Now that I understand this day better than ever before, I hope to tell my daughter how important it is so she knows to pay her respects to everyone who has served.

Happy Veteran's Day!